Love and Acceptance: Communication

Products Used:

Foundation: Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk Foundation 2.

Skin: Dr Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Pore Perfecting & Refining Serum.

Contour: Make Up Forever Sculpting Kit 1.

Bronzer: Tarte Park Ave Princess Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer.

Blush: Pixi by Petra Fresh Face Blush BeachRose.

Highlight: Iby Beauty Highlighter Private Jet.

Eyes: Maelle From Dawn to Dusk Eyeshadow Collection Sunkissed and Ipsy Tetris Game On Palette in Stack it Up and Make Up Forever 9 Artist Shadow Palette in ME-512 and I-528.

Liner: Pixi by Petra Endless Silky Eye Pen in MatteMulberry.

Lashes: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Brows: Stila in the know eye shadow palette in earth.

Lip Liner: Ofra Lipliner in Wine.

Lips: MAC Powder Kiss Lipstick in Reverence and Beauty for Real Lip Gloss in Nudist.

Lingerie: Agent Provocateur.

Love and Acceptance: Felinda

Products Used:

Foundation: Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk Foundation 2.

Skin: Dr Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Pore Perfecting & Refining Serum and Answer From Black Volume Gold Radiance Cream.

Contour: Pacifica Desert Sunset Matte Blush and Bronzer in Desert Matte.

Bronzer: Tarte Park Ave Princess Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer.

Blush: Pacifica Desert Sunset Matte Blush and Bronzer in Sunset Matte and Nars in Deep Throat.

Highlight: MAC Mineralize Skinfinish in Lightscapade.

Eyes: Urban Decay Game of Thrones Palette in Bay of Dragons and Ipsy Tetris Game On Palette in Game Day, Block Party and Stack it Up.

Lashes: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Brows: Stila in the know eye shadow palette in earth.

Lips: MAC Matte Lipstick in Lady Danger and Lime Crime in Suede-Berry.

Wig: Wigisfashion.

Lingerie: Agent Provocateur Felinda.

Robe: Victorias Secret.

Love and Acceptance: Mimi Holliday

Products Used:

Foundation: Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk Foundation 2.

Primer: Rodial Illuminating Ultimate Glow Primer.

Contour: Make Up Forever Sculpting Kit 1.

Bronzer: Tarte Park Ave Princess Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer.

Blush: Pixi by Petra Fresh Face Blush BeachRose.

Highlight: Tarte Tartiest Pro Glow in Lit.

Eyes: Kokie Professional Crystal Fusion Liquid Eye Shadow in Polaris and Winky Lux Diamond Powder in Light.

Liner: Make Up Forever Aqua XL Eye Pencil in ME-42.

Lashes: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Brows: Stila in the know eye shadow palette in earth.

Lips: Pop Beauty Pout on Point in Risque Rose, MAC Cosmetics Cremesheen in Creme D’Nude and Giorgio Armani Gloss D’Armani in Pink 514.

Wig: Webster Wigs Luna Caramel Latte.

Lingerie: Mimi Holliday

Hues and Saturation: I'm Feeling Mellow Yellow

Products Used:

Foundation: Make Up For Ever Ultra HD Invisible Cover Foundation 117=Y225.

Skin: Dr Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Pore Perfecting & Refining Serum.

Contour: Make Up Forever Sculpting Kit 1.

Bronzer: Tarte Park Ave Princess Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer.

Blush: Nars Deep Throat Blush.

Highlight: Fenty Beauty Coppin Ice in Killawatt Foil Freestyle Highlighter Palette.

Eyes: Ipsy Tetris Game On Palette in Game Changer and Lime Crime Chinadoll Palette in Goldfish.

Liner: Illamasqua Black Liquid Liner.

Lashes: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Brows: Stila in the know eye shadow palette in earth.

Lips: Jeffree Star Queen Bee Velour Liquid Lipstick and Ipsy Tetris Palette in Game Changer and Lime Crime Chinadoll Palette in Goldfish and Illamasqua Black Liquid Liner.

Hat: Deadly Couture

Dress: Five and Diamond.

Hues and Saturation: I'm All Kinds of Blue

Products Used:

Foundation: Make Up For Ever Ultra HD Invisible Cover Foundation 117=Y225.

Skin: Dr Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Pore Perfecting & Refining Serum.

Contour: Make Up Forever Sculpting Kit 1.

Bronzer: Tarte Park Ave Princess Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer.

Blush: Nars Deep Throat Blush.

Highlight: Fenty Beauty Subzero Killawatt Foil Freestyle Highlighter Palette.

Eyes: Ipsy Tetris Block Party Palette in t-spin and Make Up Forever 9 Artist Shadow Palette in ME-512 and Danessa Myricks Artisanal Pigments in Supreme.

Liner: MAC Cosmetics Eye Kohl in Smolder.

Lashes: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Brows: Stila in the know eye shadow palette in earth.

Lips: Lime Crime Black Velvet.

Gloss: Make Up Forever Artist Plexi-Gloss in 502P.

Wig: Wigisfashion.

Dress: Betsey Johnson.

Halloween: The Black Cat

Products Used:

Foundation: Make Up For Ever Ultra HD Invisible Cover Foundation 117=Y225.

Face: Rodial Soft Focus Glow Drops.

Primer: Dr. Brandt Luminizer Primer.

Highlight: Ipsy Betty Boop Cheek to Cheek Blush Palette in You’re a Peach.

Eyes: Urban Decay Alice Through the Looking Glass in Salazen Grum.

Liner: Make Up Forever Graphic Liner.

Lashes: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Lips: Lime Crime Black Velvet and Carousel Gloss.Gloss: MAC Cosmetics Lipglass.

Wig: Wigisfashion.

Headpiece: Hysteria Machine.

Clothing: Blackmilk Clothing.

Depths of the Closet: A Modern Aristocrat

Products Used:

Foundation: Make Up For Ever Ultra HD Invisible Cover Foundation 117=Y225 and Smashbox Studio Skin 24 Hour Wear Hydrating Foundation Shade: 0.3.

Primer: Tarte Hydrating Primer Base Tape.

Contour: Make Up Forever Sculpting Kit 1.

Bronzer: Tarte Park Ave Princess Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer.

Blush: Tarte Amazonian Clay 12-Hour Blush in Feisty.

Highlight: Tarte Tarteist Pro Glow in Strobe.

Eyes: Ipsy Tetris Game On Palette in Stack it Up and Lime Crime Chinadoll Palette in Parasol and Urban Decay Alice Through the Looking Glass in Paradox.

Face: Make Up Forever Flash Color Case in Fushsia and Turquoise.

Liner: Make Up Forever Graphic Liner.

Lashes: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Brows: Benefit 24-HR Brow Setter.

Lips: Smashbox Always on Liquid Lipstick in Outloud.

Gloss: MAC Cosmetics Lipglass.

Wig: Wigisfashion.

The Depths of the Closet: A Halter to Remember

Products Used:

Foundation: Make Up For Ever Ultra HD Invisible Cover Foundation 117=Y225.

Primer: Tarte Base Tape Hydrating Primer.

Concealer: it Cosmetics Full Coverage Anti-Aging Waterproof Concealer in Light.

Contour: Make Up Forever Sculpting Kit 1.

Bronzer: Tarte Park Ave Princess Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer.

Blush: Space Case It’s Not Me, It’s My Sign Blush and Phase Zero Makeup Cotton Candy Blusher.

Highlight: Fenty Beauty Stone Cold Killawatt Foil Freestyle Highlighter Palette.

Eyes: YSL Eyeshadow Duo 33. Ipsy Tetris back-to-back and top out Block Party Palette. Lime Crime Jade-O-Lade and Parasol Chinadoll Palette.

Lashes: Red Cherry Lashes #76 Frida.

Mascara: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Brows: Benefit 24-HR Brow Setter.

Lips: Cailyn 70 Pure Lust Extreme Matte Tint and Make Up Forever 502P Artist Plexi-Gloss. Bellapierre Cosmetics LS017 Incognito Mineral Lipstick.  

Gloss: Too Faced Lip Injection Extreme.

Wig: Webster Wigs Luna Caramel Latte.

Animal Magnetism: Magic Rabbit

Products Used:

Foundation: Make Up For Ever Ultra HD Invisible Cover Foundation 117=Y225.

Concealer: Tarte Shape Tape Contour Concealer.

Contour: Make Up Forever Sculpting Kit 1.

Bronzer: Tarte Park Ave Princess Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer.

Perfecting Powder: Manna Kadar Beauty HD Perfecting Powder.

Blush: Manna Kadar Beauty Paradise Blush and Elizabeth Mott Show Me Your Cheeks Blush.

Highlight: #inmo Cosmetics Velveteen Dream Shadow Super Bass and Pacifica Natural Beauty Ethereal.

Eyes: YSL Pure Chromatics 4 Wet & Dry Eye Shadows and Make Up For Ever Palette 9 Artist Shadow S-404 and D-236.

Liner: YSL eyeliner Effet Cherry Black.

Lashes: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Brows: Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in rain.

Lips: Jeffree Star Velour Liquid Lipstick Sagittarius.

Gloss: MAC Cosmetics Lipglass.

Nails: Mischa Beauty Unbroken.

Wig: Wigisfashion.

Simply Recreational: A Day on the Diamond

Products Used:

Foundation: Make Up For Ever Ultra HD Invisible Cover Foundation 117=Y225.

Contour: Make Up Forever Sculpting Kit 1.

Bronzer: Tarte Park Ave Princess Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer.

Blush: Milani Powder Blush 01 Romantic Rose.

Highlight: Ciate London Highlight Pinch Me.

Details: Make Up For Ever Flash Color Case in 011 Black.

Eyes: Lime Crime Chinadoll Palette in Fly Dragon Fly, Violet Voss Fun Sized Palette, and Ipsy Tetris Palette in Game Changer.

Lashes: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Brows: Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in rain.

Lips: Realher Liquid Lipstick Ladylove.

Clothes: Blue Jays Merchandise.

Wig: Powderroomd

Decade: Psylocke by Request

Products Used:

Primer: Tarte Base Tape Hydrating Primer.

Foundation: Make Up Forever Ultra HD 115=R230.

Contour: Make Up Forever Sculpting Kit 1.

Bronzer: Tarte Park Ave Princess Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer.

Blush: Nars Deep Throat.

Highlight: MAC Soft Frost Extra Dimension Skinfinish and LXMI Nilotica Goddess Glow Hydrating Illuminator.

Eyes: Ipsy Tetris Eye Shadow Palette in High Score with MAC Eye Shadow in Stars ‘N’ Rockets with Stila Eyes are the Window Shadow Palette in Amethyst and Urban Decay Game of Thrones Eye Shadow Palette in Stormborn and Take the Black.

Liner: Ciate London Wonderwand Gel Kohl Liner.

Lashes: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Brows: Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in rain.

Lips: Lime Crime Velvetines in Posh with Ipsy Tetris Eye Shadow Palette in Line Clear.

Clothing: Blackmilk Clothing.

Wig: Wigisfashion.

Decade: The Beginning of 20 and the Start of 30

Products Used:

Primer: Dr. Brandt Luminizer Primer and Dr. Brandt No More Baggage eye de-puffing Gel.

Foundation: Make Up Forever Ultra HD 115=R230.

Contour: Make Up Forever Sculpting Kit 1.

Bronzer: Tarte Park Ave Princess Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer.

Blush: Nars Deep Throat.

Highlight: MAC Show Gold Extra Dimension Skinfinish and LXMI Nilotica Goddess Glow Hydrating Illuminator.

Eyes: Lime Crime Diamond Crushers in Lit and Urban Decay Game of Thrones Eyeshadow Palette in Bay of Dragons and Stila Eyes are the Window Shadow Palette in Pink Diamond and Moonstone.

Liner: Ciate London Wonderwand Gel Kohl Liner.

Lashes: Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara in Brynn Rich Black.

Brows: Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in rain.

Lips: TreStique Lip Glaze in Mumbai Magenta and Ofra Lipgloss in Sugarcup.

A Question of Gender: Androgyny

Look One

Products Used:

Foundation: Urban Decay Naked Skin 1.0 mixed with Make Up Forever Water Blend R210.

Contour: Morphe Brushes 9BZ Palette.

Blush: Morphe Blush 9B Palette.

Highlight: MAC Extra Dimension Skinfinish in Show Gold and Mineralize Skinfinish in Lightscapade.

Eyes: Stila in the know eyeshadow palette in wind and air.

Lashes: Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara.

Brows: Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in rain.

Lips: YSL Volupte Tint-In-Oil 4 .

Look Two

Products Used:

Foundation: Urban Decay Naked Skin 1.0 mixed with Make Up Forever Water Blend R210.

Contour: Morphe Brushes 9BZ Palette.

Blush: Morphe Blush 9B Palette.

Highlight: MAC Extra Dimension Skinfinish in Show Gold and Mineralize Skinfinish in Lightscapade.

Eyes: Stila in the know eyeshadow palette in wind and air.

Lashes: Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara.

Brows: Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in rain.

Lips: Jeffree Star Velour Liquid Lipstick in Pumpkin Pie.

Look Three

Products Used:

Foundation: Urban Decay Naked Skin 1.0 mixed with Make Up Forever Water Blend R210.

Contour: Morphe Brushes 9BZ Palette.

Blush: Morphe Blush 9B Palette.

Highlight: MAC Extra Dimension Skinfinish in Show Gold and Mineralize Skinfinish in Lightscapade.

Shine: MAC Mixing Medium Shine.

Eyes: Stila in the know eyeshadow palette in wind and air and ebony.

Lashes: Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara.

Brows: Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in rain and Make Up Forever Aqua Black Waterproof Cream Eye Shadow.

Lips: Realher Lip Plumping Lip Gloss.

Black Easter: Eostre

Products Used:

Foundation: Urban Decay Naked Skin 1.0 mixed with Make Up Forever Water Blend R210.

Contour: Morphe Brushes 9BZ Palette.

Blush: Morphe Blush 9B Palette.

Highlight: MAC Extra Dimension Skinfinish in Show Gold and Mineralize Skinfinish in Lightscapade.

Eyes: Stila in the know eyeshadow palette in ebony and MAC Stars 'N' Rockets Eyeshadow as well as Stila Eyes Are The Window Shadow Palette Body in Rose Quartz, Pink Diamond and Moonstone.

Liner: Yves Saint Laurent Babydoll Eyeliner 12

Lashes: Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara.

Brows: Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in ebony.

Lips: Lime Crime Velvetines in Posh.

Wig: Powderroomd Scarlet Lace Front Wig.

Clothing:

Lingerie: https://scarletshop.com/

Necklace: Marciano

Heels: Michael Kors

Mask: Gifted

Underworld: Selene & Erika

Selene Look

Products Used:

Foundation: Urban Decay Naked Skin 1.0 mixed with Make Up Forever Water Blend R210 and MAC Face and Body Foundation White.

Contour: Morphe Brushes 9BZ Palette.

Blush: Morphe Blush 9B Palette.

Highlight: MAC Mineralize Skinfinish in Lightscapade.

Eyes:  Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in ebony and wind and Morphe Brushes Eye shadow Palette 35E.

Lashes: Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara.

Brows: Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in earth.

Lips: Jeffree Star Velour Liquid Lipstick in Unicorn Blood.

Blood: K.D. 151 Dark Mouth Blood Syrup

Fangs: Scarecrow Custom Fangs.

Contacts: Vision Direct Blue Angelic Lenses.

Clothing:

Blackmilk Clothing Catsuit

Marciano Faux Fur Scarf

And a special thank you to https://hunterandhare.com/

Erika Look

Products Used:

Foundation: Urban Decay Naked Skin 1.0 mixed with Make Up Forever Water Blend R210 and MAC Face and Body Foundation White.

Contour: Morphe Brushes 9BZ Palette.

Blush: Morphe Blush 9B Palette.

Highlight: MAC Mineralize Skinfinish in Lightscapade.

Eyes: Morphe Brushes Eye shadow Palette 35E.

Lashes: Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara.

Brows: Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in rain.

Lips: Lime Crime Velvetines in Blondie.

Blood: K.D. 151 Dark Mouth Blood Syrup

Fangs: Scarecrow Custom Fangs.

Wig: Studio F/X http://www.studiofx.ca/

Clothing:

Marciano Lace Dress

Red Crushed Velvet Cape

Earrings: Lovers Tempo http://www.loverstempo.com/

Necklace: She's So https://www.instagram.com/shesso/

And a special thank you to https://hunterandhare.com/

Lastly, for this year the blog is mostly going to be photo based while I put together my book and illustration projects. So, enjoy a year of fun visuals!

Invisible Illness: A love letter to my body

I’m not much of a talker. I’ve never been much of one. The more I love and trust a person the less I’ll tell them. Some things are mine to deal with and sometimes I don’t want to hurt people. I know that that’s not always how it works but I also don’t like being emotional. I’m very emotional. I just hide it behind a porcelain smiling mask. It’s brittle and thin but I appreciate it. I’ve always been a listener and I know I keep a lot more to myself then I probably should. The only people who know I have an illness are family, a few friends, and some teachers who it was prudent to tell when I needed time off. If you knew about it, it means you land in those categories or I had to tell you because I felt bad that day or I trust you implicitly. The truth of the matter is I don’t think I’ve honestly went about going over it completely not even once. To anyone. I’m a little sorry about that. I want to do it now because it’s been a particularly bad month and it’s about time I think.

So a bit of a back ground story for those just tuning in. Back in high school, so eleven or twelve years ago I came down with a pretty bad ear infection that spread to an eye infection that spread to a throat, lung, kidney, blah blah blah infection that lasted a few months. It was a week before Christmas. I had a big project for history class that I was doing on Greek mythology and my brother brought me home an energy drink from work (my first one!) so I could finish the project. I remember going to class that day to hand it in but I felt off. Suffice to say I didn’t go back to classes for the following few days. On Christmas eve, after we had our celebrations I went to emergency because I could barely open my right eye? Left eye? The pictures are hilarious because I’m so happy but I look miserable. My mum hates them but I love them (sorry mum) because I love Christmas and being with family no matter what’s up with me. So those few months were the start of this journey. I never did get better after that.

The thing about invisible illnesses is that not a lot of people believe. You lose a lot of people. That’s one of the things no one really talks about. People give up on you when you’re sick a lot. The fact is I can understand it. It doesn’t really stop it from hurting though when it happens.  Thankfully, I have the most remarkable family that knew that there was something wrong even the days when I didn’t even believe in it. The thing is that when doctors tell you for years and years that they can’t find anything and maybe it’s just stress part of you that believes them and then there’s this little voice that goes “but..?” I lived for ten years with an undiagnosed illness. I mean they labelled me with everything under the sun, some ridiculous like pregnancy and PTSD. Some that gave me a little more hope but turned out to still be wrong. Figures I’d have a few things wrong with me and that’s okay. I can manage.

Why am I calling it a love letter you might ask? There’s enough hate going around in the world and I’m not going to go about hating any part of myself. I can get angry sometimes at how I feel but this is about owning every part of me. The good and the bad. I love myself and this is my permission and consent to finally be okay with it all.

Dear body,

Let’s start off with you head.

You’ve been good to me. You’re incredibly bright and your memory is impeccable. Though you sometimes dream so vividly that you believe events have transpired that never existed. I do appreciate the extra episodes of Game of Thrones you conjured. I’m sad to never see them again. And that episode of Buffy that never happened which I spent years searching for. And then got freaked out when the room that was in that episode that you made up appeared in Angel years later. You freak. Thank you for the recurring dreams that are sometimes spread years apart. Some are surprises all over again. Thanks for the dreams in other languages and the ones that are a little prophetic. I like the advanced warning.  I’m happy you’re ambitious but I’d be grateful if you took it back a notch so my body could keep up. I think I’m twenty years behind you right now. Just cool you’re jets, bro.

Thanks for building worlds that are so beautiful they make me weep. Thanks for making up characters that are strong despite tragedy. They’re all a little piece of you. There are 180+ characters that contain just a bit of your personality and you’re not nearly done yet.  Thanks for the stories that put me to sleep. I know I’d be a hundred times worse if I didn’t have those. I’m sorry for the days your frightened to leave the house because you’re so close to fainting. It’s almost happened so many times. You’ve been so lucky. You know what it’s like to see only black for minutes at a time. You also know what it’s like to see only white for a few hours. I think you’re really brave for not being scared when that happens. You’re really patient. Thank you so much for being the patience and the eternal calm. You’re an island.

It’s okay that you’re not a talker. You’d have trouble seeing if you weren’t always listening. Thanks most of all for deciding in elementary school that the most important thing in the world was to keep an open perspective. It’s made you so kind. Except sometimes to yourself. It’s okay that sometimes you ache so bad that your vision goes black for minutes at a time and you’re fuzzy for hours afterwards. I like to think of it as a reboot for all that constant processing. It’s okay that your vision is shit. You get really cool contacts to wear. And your glasses are pretty stellar as well. And no one has got it right yet on why you bought them. No they aren’t Harry Potter or John Lennon glasses. They’re Jensen glasses. Disco.

It’s okay that your skin breaks out. It’s annoying but it lets me know when things are wrong. It’s okay when your jaw does off track. Slow down. You’re talking way too fast and you know what chocolate does to your skin anyway. You don’t even like it what are you doing. Put it down.  It’s not okay that the dentist gave you nerve damage years ago after they gave you a terrible viral infection. I feel like the joker sometimes with the scars on the inside of my mouth.  It’s cool when your ears buzz. You just got up. Give it a few minutes. Think of it that you’re so tall that the air pressure is so different way up here. Ears gotta pop.

You’re allowed to talk about feelings. It’s okay if you cry in front of people even if you’re allergic to your own tears. That’s nifty isn’t it? Plus, huge conversation starter. No one will believe you until it happens. Mostly, thanks for always smiling even when you don’t mean it and thanks for always staying positive. I would’ve stopped years ago if it wasn’t for you. I love you for keeping me afloat through the years. There was a breaking point years ago and you lifted me above it. I think you’re unbreakable even though I’ve wacked you and concussed you enough times. You’ve always pulled through.

A huge encore to my upper body.

 First off, thank you for the double jointed thumbs. The number of people you’ve creeped out is truly a joy. Thanks for bringing forth the art in my head. Sometimes you’re not perfect but you’ve drawn enough faces to see everything you can’t say on paper. It’s okay that you’re not always strong. You’re also stronger than you believe and you have a capacity to be so much stronger. I’m sorry that that doesn’t always last. It fails pretty spectacularly sometimes but you can always pick yourself up. Sometimes you may falter and it may take a while but you always get up. Sometimes you need help because your left side is pretty broken and doesn’t work. It hurts a lot to pick things up and it hurts more to put on shirts. Sometimes you can’t leave the house cause you can’t put on clothes that day. That’s okay. It wasn’t your day. Your arms don’t work some days and that’s okay. You’re lucky to have another person who can be your arms when he’s around. When he’s not around your lucky to be resourceful. You’ve got legs and a head when those fail. Your neck is pretty stellar. Thanks for being reliable when everything is falling apart. Thumbs up neck.

Thanks to my ribs for trying. You’ve done great until this year. You’ve started to want to migrate to areas where you don’t belong. Trust me sometimes I want to vacation from everything but you’re pretty stuck to each other. I can really feel it when you guys stray. At least, please refrain from doing both sides at the same time. That’s all I ask. You’re really tender sometimes. Sometimes I worry you’re going to cave in if someone hugs me too tight. I believe in you though. Maybe you’re just deceptive. Thanks for guarding my innards though. Nothing’s ever gotten through you. Thank you heart for beating. Your key function has been met. Thank you for always letting me know when something’s wrong. Over the last year you might have gotten a bit too overzealous and you can slow to a reasonable rate anytime. It’s starting to be its own problem now. You’ve certainly worried the ultrasound technicians. They think I can’t relax. My upper body makes people think I’m not relaxed. And maybe I haven’t been able to in years. Maybe I’ve just been waiting for the next thing. On that note though, thanks stomach muscles for keeping me upright. Apparently, if you weren’t so tense I’d never be able to get up. You’re surprisingly adept at always keeping me going. Sometimes you hurt me with how tense you are and I feel it for days when I use you too much. And sometimes I can’t move much for days when I stand for too long. But I can trust you to always get me up. Maybe not far some days but always up.

Thanks you stomach for breaking down foods. Apparently you ferment a lot. Which is cool as a base concept like making alcohol but you’ve left me with fruits and vegetables as my primary food source. You’re sensitive to everything else. Or have rebelled highly. Also, you might want to cool it on making foods completely inedible. Or maybe I should be blaming the tongue? I can hardly eat anything as it is. I’d at least like to enjoy what I can. Thanks for allowing me some cheat days and only yelling at me with loud growls. I can’t thank you for the nausea and vomiting. Sorry, that’s on you. The cramping is also not appreciated and really what’s with that one spot that always hurts? I know it’s not in my stomach but I always call it my stomach. My bad. I give you such a bad rap but you’re not a bad guy. Sorry. It’s the intestines. I know it’s them but no one likes talking about them. But in this case intestines what’s up with that one spot? Cut it out. Also, good job on everything else. Kidneys? Your good. Just the infections? Stop. Everything else. Job well done. Gold stars. You falter sometimes but you’re always working. Mostly thanks for getting me up. Thanks for knowing when situations weren’t “right” and keeping me away from them. This might be weird but thanks for keeping me home so much sometimes. You showed me the people who would leave if you weren’t always there.  Also, I’m sorry for the same reason. There’s a millions things you want to do and a million more invitations you wish you could accept. It’s always great to feel what it’s like on a good day when you can say yes and the people who have stayed and their smile at seeing you.

To my lovely lady bits and other unmentionables.

Is this too personal? Maybe. But I'm gonna say it anyway. I almost don’t want to write about you in public. I’m very sorry that that’s something society has instilled in me. To be weary of talking about you. So, I’m gonna do it anyway. Thanks for being mostly normal. You had a rough start. You bled for almost a whole year there. That’s probably a medical anomaly but the nose did that first and we burned that bastard into submission after that dream we had about the war of 1812. The amount of blood from my nose traumatized my father.

We figured out which pill worked for my periods. Thank you for discovering the Diva Cup. Periods would be much worse if you had to deal with pads and tampons. It also makes girls really uncomfortable when they ask if they can borrow something and you say you don’t use that stuff. Also side note, why do we say borrow? I don’t want it back! It’s why I always got into the habit of saying steal. Though that got me into trouble at the grocery store once… Anywho. Thanks for regulating. You never made me emotional or weird. That’s something I pride myself in. Thanks for not cramping up so bad or being a horror story. Except for that one year. I bet woman would cringe at bleeding almost constantly for one year. So, a bit of a horror story. I’m sorry for switching pills recently to see if it would stop my headaches. It didn’t and I have no idea where my periods went. To the other side. Thanks for never being constipated. Except after flights and long events where my body seems to cease all functions. I would be happy with far less diarrhea. But I’ll take it over vomiting to be honest and we’ve switched it up these past few years. So yay, I got my wish! Thanks for the most part for the not frequent urination. You’re a lifesaver. All in all, well done.

To the legs and my support system.

Thank you for always taking me where I need to go. My hips give out and sometimes my knees but you always go back. Even when you shake you take me far. And sometimes you need a break and you get to rest with the rest of me. Sometimes the muscles ache and I kinda like it. It means you got me places.

Overall, I’m really proud of you for holding it together. These years have been hard and I mostly feel useless but I’m one with this illness and I won’t let it control me one hundred percent. I’m learning to get around it and to accept what is possible. The one thing that hurts is when people expect more of you then you can give. I don’t think people know or understand how much this affects me. It’s not a life threatening disease but its life altering. Most days I don’t get out of my house.  If you suffer from an invisible illness don’t let anyone dictate how you should feel. You can let things and people motivate you. If you can’t keep up keep your own pace. If it changes your life find a way around it. Do what you can do and don’t let it get you down. Own it and own up to it. Most of all don’t let someone say there’s nothing wrong with you when you know there’s something not right. Whether it be depression, or anxiety, or ehlers danlos, or anything invisible. To others don’t presume to know what someone is going through. Every case is unique and every body is different.

I have hyper mobility syndrome. If affects me both outwardly and internally. I found out what it was just last year. That’s eleven years of my family sticking by me. Pushing myself through schools and somehow graduating all of them. I’ve had to adapt around my illness. I do a blog now to showcase what I went to school for. Sometimes its all I can do. Soon I’ll be starting a business of my art and sculptures. Unfortunately, having a normal job is pretty impossible. I’m still figuring out my ups and downs and what will work. I’ll get there.

I’m still missing things I know. But this is my gist-list. You get the idea. More so then you did anyway…

Finally:

Dear me,

I love you. I’m proud of you. You’re not all you thought you could be and your brain gets way ahead of you but you get up every day. And you smile at every one. You’re kind and calm and patient and compassionate. You’re brave but you can be braver. You can forgive yourself for the things you haven’t accomplished. You have time to start all the things you want. Take your time. Be bold. Everything will be alright.

Most of all.

Just breathe.

In.

Out.

One moment at a time.

Every moment a new beginning.

You got this.

Products Used:

Primer: Make Up Forever Skin Equalizer Smoothing Primer.

Foundation: Kat Von D lock-it foundation in Light 44.

Contour: Morphe Brushes 9BZ Palette.

Blush: Morphe Blush Palette 9B.

Eyes:  Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in wind.

Tears: Glycerin and Make Up Forever Metal Powder 94006.

Liner: Doucce Cosmetics Ultra Precision Eye Liner 500.

Lashes: Make Up Forever Smoky Lash.

Brows: MAC Lash Mixing Medium.

Lips: Too Faced Lip Injection Extreme mixed with Giorgio Armani Lip Maestro503.

Blood: Cinema Secrets FX Blood

Suicide Squad: Harley Quinn

I always loved Harley Quinn. She's ten pounds of crazy in a five pound bag. I always loved the women of DC though. That doesn't mean that I didn't occasionally dream of being Batman. Most people occasionally want to be Batman. I've watched all of the Batman films to see Catwoman and Poison Ivy. Even if the movies were absolute garbage the women were so worth it.

I'm more of a Marvel fanatic but I do love the way that DC does some of its characters. You don't really notice the intricacies growing up. Most of the time I didn't notice that i was watching a rated R movie with my brother. The swearing went over my head. I was just interested when cool creatures were running around and people were jumping out of planes. So, as a child when you see Harley and the Joker you see two people who are always together and laugh a lot. It generally seems like a good time.

"I'm known for being quite vexing, I'm just forewarning you..." - Harley Quinn

It might be why a lot of kids are afraid of clowns or was that just a common thing? Like your born with a fear of clowns? I bypassed that one somehow. I think cause my grandma had these beautiful clown masks in her apartment. The artistry of them kinda overruled all inherent fear of the thing. Clowns are gorgeous.

Growing up you start to see the dysfunction in relationships. Or at least I hope you do? The Joker and Harley aren't exactly the epitome of healthy. It's full on abusive and it was for a very long while and will probably continue to be occasionally but they've given Harley the opportunities to branch out and be her badass self all on her own.

And she's extraordinary.

" Gonna come in here and tell me that? Or are you too scared? Come on, I'm bored. I'm bored. Play with me!" - Harley Quinn

She's strong, obviously crazy, and she's wonderfully more independent. Finally, out of the Jokers constant shadow we can see who she's become and she's fearless and powerful. She's an absolute wonder. I miss the days where she was a crazy jester and her clothes have practically disappeared. But everyone needs to rock sparkly booty shorts sometimes.

Suicide Squad has a bunch of holes but I'll let it go because it was visually captivating. Margot Robbie and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje stole the show for me as Harley Quinn and Killer Croc respectively. Killer Croc for being visually wonderful and having my favourite line in the whole film. It's also my favourite role so far for Margot Robbie. Since she loves the character so much maybe we'll get a DC female film. I will be most pleased.

"Hello, Mr. J. I'm Batman! Eat me! Eat me! Eat me!" - Harley Quinn

I decided to change up the look for Harley slightly. I used my own hair and switched the makeup to pink and blue. The makeup for the film was quite inspiring so I've been having a good time. Also, the apple is there because I have a lot of fruit and I thought it was hilarious. Also demolishing it with a scalpel was wonderfully therapeutic.

Products Used:

Primer: Make Up Forever Skin Equalizer Smoothing Primer.

Foundation: Kat Von D lock-it foundation in Light 44 mixed with MAC Face and Body Foundation in White.

Contour: Stila in the know palette in smoke and ebony.

Diamond: Kat Von D Liquid Eye Liner in Nerdrum.

Blush: Morphe Blush Palette 9B.

Eyes:  Urban Decay Alice in Wonderland Through the Looking Glass Eyeshadow Palette in Cake and Looking Glass and Naked Cosmetics TW-03.

Liner: Doucce Cosmetics Ultra Precision Eye Liner 500.

Lashes: Make Up Forever Smoky Lash and Red Cherry Lashes #102 Chakra.

Brows: Stila in the know Eye Shadow Palette in Earth.

Lips: Jeffree Star in Abused, Blue Velvet, and Jawbreaker with Make Up Forever Star Powder 90944.

"Oh, come on, Puddin'! Don't you wanna rev up your "Harley"? Vroom vroom!" - Harley Quinn

Video Game Classifications (Original): Alhambra Cortez Sera Glizequolt the 2nd

Yeah, her name is a mouthful. I always like to have one character that is a named after a older made up relative. It seems so delightfully pompous. This character is exactly that. Just not delightfully pompous but more egotistically pompous. And with good reason. She is the Paladin Commander of her Majesties elite military. She might be more of a highborn ass then the queen but she also has the skills to back it up.

I invented these characters in college. I think my first and second years? I just got sick of seeing scantily clad females running around in video games while the men got full armour. I thought well that's not much protection is it? So, I did up a video game classification list that included anything from knight to mage to summoner and so on. From there I did a male and female for each and tried to fit the classification as well as possible for images and characters. Alhambra was obviously my female Paladin.

"We protect the realm. We protect the Queen. When it's all said and done we'll be the ones standing." - Alhambra

She was actually a hard one to come up with. I know I wanted her blonde and blue eyed but I could never decide on her armour. She went through so many stages of armour design. The final result is reminiscent of the knight of flowers from Game of Thrones. Over the top and with so much pomp and flourish people think you're ridiculous. Until you stick a blade into them and then they really have nothing left to say.

I like inventing strong females. No matter their age they always have something that makes them strong. They all have weaknesses of course as everyone does and that's just good story telling. No one is omniscient. Characters like that have little substance to me. It's why I don't like Doctor Manhattan or Superman to a certain degree. It's boring and so far removed from humanity that it's incomprehensible unless you're a complete narcissist.

Story time!

"I may be a woman. That just means I'm stronger than you." - Alhambra

The castle cast a shadow over the buildings below. It was light and airy for such a monstrous structure. When the sun hit the stain glass windows just right rainbows danced along the walls. Alhambra grew up in the city below and became a knight at twenty-three. She took over the captaincy of the knight paladins at twenty-nine. She was the youngest commander in history.

People thought her inferior because she was a woman.

They tried to make the majesties paladins into a joke because it they were commanded by a mere woman. They turned to the knights of the city guard as the strongest armed force in the city. Garret Winter was a formidable man and leader of the knights guard. She did not fault him for the people’s good opinion.

Alhambra knew if it ever came to a fight she’d beat him. He was slow in his big armour. Everything about him was slow and powerful. She was fast. And with her spear she had the better reach. 

As she studied her maps she contemplated the idiotic ideas of men. How they could bow down to a queen but feel superior to all other women. It was no bother. She’d show them all.

All challengers be welcome. Come and take the city. If you can take the city guard. Come and storm the castle. Be brave and be bold.

Take your chance for the throne.

She’d mount their heads on pikes and walk calmly through the devastation.

Even if death came a knocking.

Knock, knock.

"Cut out your tongue. No one speaks to her majesty that way." - Alhambra

Products used:

Foundation: Kat Von D lock-it foundation in Light 44

Contour: Morphe Brushes 9BZ Palette

Highlight: Make Up Forever Face Contour Kit 1

Bronzer: Georgio Armani Fluid Sheer 3

Markings: Kat Von D Ink Liner Nerdrum overlayed with Stila Eyes Are The Window Shadow Palette Body in Sapphire.

Eyes:  MAC Eye Shadow x15 Warm Neutral in Gingersnap, Honey Lust, and Brule. Doucce Cosmetics Ultra Precision Eye Liner 005

Lashes: Make Up Forever Smoky Lash. And Red Cherry Lashes

Brows: Stila in the know palette colour in rain.

Lips: YSL Yolupte Tint-In-Oil 7 and Too Faced Lip Injection Extreme

Wig: Lacey Costume Wigs.

"When it's all said and done I'll be the one left standing. When this world crumbles and falls as all worlds do. I'll stand there and smile." - Alhambra

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: April O'Neil

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Heroes in the half shell

Turtle Power!

Sorry, not sorry for that. It's a childhood memory song. As soon as I realized I'd be doing TMNT I knew I'd be humming or singing it whenever I thought of it. The only thing that has ever topped childhood songs is fairly offensive comedy songs. Stephen Lynch proves a rather hard habit to break for literally everything I know. Everything.

"Why don't I ever dream of Harrison Ford?" - April O'Neil

Why April O'Neil? Cause she's a strong, independent woman who need no man. I definitely wasn't thinking that at a young age. Especially since the starting run of the animated series started in 1987. I would have been six or seven when the show ended not including reruns and the like. What I was thinking at that age was more along the lines of 'Yay! Ninja Turtles and there's a lady who helps them and an awesome man in a hockey mask!' Later, I would start thinking that's a lady who suspended some disbelief at the prospect of man sized talking, fighting turtles and would do almost anything for a story. And she's a redhead. I'd like anyone who is a red head. Sorry Megan Fox, your just not cutting it for April. The hair matters.

"So, what do you guys like on your pizza?" - April O'Neil

I like to always portray my women as powerfully as possible. Whether they're a journalist or a hero, a villain or a fish.  Everyone has the power and the drive to be strong. You don't get your strength by any particular thing. Being a hero doesn't make you strong. It's something inside you that you have or can find. I want you to know that you have it in you whatever the situation be it verbal or physical. Or both. You can have muscles and you can speak out. Don't let anyone or anything hold you back. You can be you. You completely without being scared of what people might say. That one's sometimes the hardest.

I want you to know that I've got your back.

"I'm not sure I understood all of that, Chief Sterns. Would you mind repeating it, in English, perhaps?" - April O'Neil

I would like to send out a heartfelt thank you to Hunter & Hare. To anyone who lives in Vancouver or is visiting Vancouver it's a delightful consignment store on 334 W Pender St, Vancouver. Please go visit. The co-owners are wonderful, charming people and it's just such a great environment. Thank you for always being helpful to me and my wild ideas.

"And then there's Casey Jones, a nine-year-old trapped in a man's body. He might be cute except for that pigheadedness..." - April O'Neil

Products used:

Primer: Make Up Forever Skin Equalizer Smoothing Primer.

Foundation: Make Up Forever Invisible Cover Stick Foundation 115=R230.

Contour: Morphe Brushes 9BZ Palette.

Highlight: MAC Mineralize Skinfinish Global Glow.

Bronzer: Tarte Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer in Park Ave Princess

Blush: City Color Be Matte Blush in Fresh Melon.

Eyes: MAC Eye Shadow x 15 Warm Neutral Palette in Divine Decadence, Butterfudge, Creative Copper, Lemon Tart and Brule

Lashes: Make Up Forever Smoky Lash.

Brows: Stila in the know palette colour in rain.

Lips: L'oreal Matte Bisque 082 topped with Tini Beauty Shadow Tint in Ambrosia.

Wig: Lacey of New York

Clothes: Borrowed from Hunter & Hare Consignment at 334 West Pender, St Vancouver.

"You don't mean - you're not seriously suggesting that Donatello is going to make an incredibly arcane time travel machine, are you?" - April O'Neil

Finding Dory: Dory and Hank

I remember seeing Finding Nemo in theatres in 2003. So, 13 years ago. Meaning almost half my life ago Finding Nemo hit the world with ground breaking animation from Pixar. Now, the people who watched the original could be taking their kids to see the sequel or just going to watch it as adults with friends cause that's how I roll.

It was a brave undertaking but they made it so well. The coral and sea life was gorgeous. The colours and movement and texture was fantastic. I'm looking forward to the improvements. Also, above all else the return of Gill.

"I'm sorry. I gotta blink. How do you hold your eyes open that long?" - Dory

Yeah, that fish tank was full of moments. Lovely, lovely moments.

Sharkbait! Hoo ha-ha!

I'd talk about fish but the only experiences I have are fishing related and the suicidal goldfish of my youth. The giant tail I saw in Lake Ontario that made me stop fishing out of fright in elementary school. My utter fear of stingrays which is closely related to my rule of if I can't see bottom I'm not going in. Any one who knows me knows that rule goes out the window almost immediately. So, I've most definitely stood on some stingrays before. Or been followed by them. 

Hank the cantankerous octopus

Ooh, that time I caught a goldfish in lake Erie. Or the skull I found while looking for seashells. Definitely a big fish. I thought I should clarify just in case.

Anyway, I have always been fascinated by animals and all matter of sea life. There is just so much mystery and variety in the creatures that roam the oceans and seas. It's a completely different world and I don't think we'll ever be done discovering it as long as we can preserve it.

"I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy Come on, Squishy Come on, little Squishy..." - Dory

I decided of course this go around to do Dory. Of course. Main character of this one after all and she is one truly optimistic little fish. As well as the new character Hank the cantankerous octopus. Mostly because octopuses are intelligent, crafty, bad asses and I love them.

So without further ado and hoping they might inspire your heuristic tendencies. The looks of the week.

"I suffer from short-term memory loss. It runs in my family... At least I think it does... hm. Where *are* they?" - Dory

Products used for Dory:

Primer: Make Up Forever Skin Equalizer Smoothing Primer

Foundation: Make Up Forever Invisible Cover Stick Foundation 115=R230.

Highlight: MAC Mineralize Skinfinish in Lightscapade.

Blush: City Color Be Matte Blush in Fresh Melon.

Eyes: Naked Cosmetics in #HE-06 and #EB-02 Stila Cosmetics Eyes Are The Window Shadow Palette in aquamarine and Morphe Brushes Eyeshadow Palette 35E.

Lashes: Make Up Forever Smoky Lash. As well as some Red Cherry Lashes

Brow Shape thing: Make Up Forever Flash Palette in Black 011

Lips: Jeffree Star Blue Velvet overlayed with Morphe Brushes Eyeshadow Palette 35E

Details: Make Up Forever Aqua Black and Graphic Liner

Clothes: Borrowed from Hunter & Hare Consignment at 334 West Pender, St Vancouver.

The ocean is full of surprises.

Products used for Hank:

Foundation: Kat Von D lock-it foundation in Light 44.

Contour: Morphe Brushes 9BZ Palette.

Highlight: MAC Mineralize Skinfinish in Lightscapade.

Blush: Nars Deep Throat Blush.

Eyes: Stila Cosmetics in the know Palette in fire Morphe Brushes Eyeshadow Palette 35E.

Lashes: Make Up Forever Smoky Lash.

Tentacle: Make Up Forever Aqua Black and Graphic Liner as well as Stila Cosmetics in the know Palette in fire, earth, and rain.

Lips: Nars Cinematic Lipstick in Short Circuit

Wig: Powder Room D Flame Lace Front Wig.

"How about we play a game?" - Dory

Stay tuned. More make up to come!